To late

June 11, 2010

You can’t save me.

I’ve fallen to far from home.

Sincere words led me away.

But jealous emotions made me stay.

The unwelcome night holds close.

Naturally, I’m to shallow to return.

Overwhelming thoughts grab tight to the soul.

I’m still unable to leave.

You can’t save me.

I’ve fallen to far from myself

Hallelujah

June 10, 2010

Voices unaware in the shadow
of remembrance,
yet again they refrain.
Once before, they were denied
you gave the dark to me.
Blessed are the ones who pray
to him, even if he isn’t home.
But I don’t mind the gentle expressions,
as long as no one sees.

Not Blog Savvy

June 10, 2010

Apparently I’m more of an amateur blogger than I’d hoped. I’m still trying to figure out how to put links on my page of blogs that I like, and for the life of me I cannot change that little blue avatar that appears when I comment. Its going to be a long day, but hopefully I’ll figure most of this out. Oh BTW poetry will be posted later!

Continuing my rant from earlier, she was not a good person. This ex would think it was totally fine to talk to her ex-boyfriend online..with me in the same room. What really hurt was the fact that she seemed to be having a lot more fun chatting away with him, than even hanging out with me in the same room. Maybe I’m a jealous guy..who knows? But what really bugs and irritates me, is that such a horrible person can have a seemingly great life. As I browsed her information on Facebook, everything she has and talks about…seems to dwarf my life in comparison. I know that’s not one of the nicer things to say, but for the most part its true. This succubus has a great job, a great car, and all of these friends. I have a car, that does good to start whenever I have gas money to put in it. I can’t find work anywhere, and aside from my family and girlfriend…I talk to no one. I guess this is a feel sorry for myself day. Thanks internet, you always listen.

The evil of an ex

June 9, 2010

Silly me decided to search for people on facebook. Old friends, family, whatnot. I came across an ex from a few years ago. Now I believe this was a horrible mistake. She was and apparently still is an awful person. Obviously I have some issues, and I think that she was the main cause of some of them. Now being 18-ish at the time, I thought everything was great. But this girl, was just not a good person. Now the final straw was when I was invited over by her, for her to tell me to go home so she could hang out with her cousin. Normally I wouldn’t have cared so much, but I had gotten dressed, drove all the way over, for her to do this. Granted I was not a huge fan of her cousin, but come on..really? So an argument ensued, and I was asked to leave. So I go home, heartbroken..while she has a wonderful time with her cousin. The next day I go to her place to pick up the rest of my things, she stayed home from school..just to watch me do it. So we tried to hang out and be friends..but as most people know this never works out. I was still deeply in love, and it was very obvious that she wasn’t. So the next day at work, I called to see how she was and if she wanted to hang out. Yet when I called, she said she had a friend over and didn’t want to talk. Maybe I’m selfish, jealous, or a child…but this really hurt. I actually had a breakdown at work, and threatened to kill myself. I was taken out of work, and to a mental health facility. That place, which I won’t name, had really done wonders for me. My therapist talked me through a lot of problems that I had, and had basically stated that my ex just wasn’t a good person.

To be continued..

Once again, I’ve gone back to sleep in the morning for an hour or so, and its ended up being around 6 hours. I swear it feels like I’m wasting my life away, yet I’m so drained and tired all the time. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to get a job and straighten this all out, here’s to hoping.. *cheers*

Love love love

June 9, 2010

So my girlfriend got home from work, I told her about everything I had thought about today, including my earlier post.  Obviously, I feel horrible.  Instantly she was almost in tears, and wanted to go sit and talk about it all.  So I told her everything that was on my mind, and why I was feeling that way.  Obviously I’m a little better right now, but sadly I still have the lingering feelings.  But I think she understands how my mind works and how jumpy my moods are..which I really regret she has to deal with.  She’s a saint for dealing with me…but I guess that’s love.

Re: Slacks

On a Tuesday

June 8, 2010

Many months, and still no job.  I would welcome most anything that I can find.  Yet as hard as I try, nothing seems to be coming my way.  Additional family issues have surfaced lately, which makes everything much more difficult.  Lately I’ve found myself contemplating things that I normally would not.  I’ll find a friend tonight in alcohol.  I pray for salvation.

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